By Helen Hill
** Trigger Warning **
I woke up this morning and carried out my usual morning routine of enjoying a cup of tea whilst browsing social media when I saw that #metoo was the number 1 trending topic on Twitter.
Intrigued I clicked on the hashtag to see what it was all about and it is safe to say that I was horrified when I realised that it was a hashtag to raise awareness of sexual assault.
#metoo quite literally means “I have been sexually assaulted too.”
To see that it was in the hundreds of thousands of tweets at 7am blew my mind and also turned my stomach because as I read through the endless pages of women and girls of all ages, races and genders admitting that they had been sexually assaulted there was only one thing that I could think…. yes girls, me too.
It happened when I took my first holiday abroad without my parents, a massive group of us jetted off to Bendiorm in Spain to two weeks of fun in the sun on a club 18-30 holiday and although my mum and dad were a bit wary, they knew some of the lads I had grown up with were going and knew they would look after me so they permitted me to go.
The lads really did look after us girls and we always started off in the hotel bar before all going off to the bars and clubs on the strip, we stayed together all night and the lads were in the same hotel so they always made sure we got back to our room safely.
One night we were in a bar dancing when my friends strap snapped on her sandle, it was pretty early on and we were only in a bar around the corner from the hotel at this point so me and her walked back to change her shoes.
We did not think it was necessary for the lads to come with us, afterall we were 2 streets from the hotel, we were togehter and would be less than 5 minutes. We knew there would be loads of people around – it was 9pm in Benidorm in August – the place was packed with tourists.
We walked back to the hotel, went to our room and she changed her shoes then we began to walk back.
When we reached the corner where the streets met we were grabbed, pushed against a wall and pinned…. both of us, by two Spanish men. At first I think we just froze with fear, unable to believe it was happening.
I suppose you would never think that two of you would be attacked at the same time or that there would be more than one attacker, or that it would happen somewhere so busy, it was still daylight!
I guess the unofficial plan with girls (we never discuss it and we probably should) would be that if something happened one of you would run for help…. but when you are both pinned by two men you are powerless and we were both terrified and completely at a loss as to what to do.
Then the groping started, they were trying to kiss us and grabbing at our chests, we struggled but two 5 foot 3 girls who weigh 9 stone were never going to wriggle free from the grip of grown men and as one of them put his hand up my dress and grabbed at my knickers I realised that we were in serious trouble and I had seconds to act before…. well I dread to think!
For the first time in my life I threw a punch, hitting the bloke who was attacking me square in the face and harder than I ever thought I was capable of.
He stepped back startled and his mate turned to help him (to be honest I think the attackers were both in complete shock that I had even dared throw a punch and were quite clearly not expecting it because they were the oes froen in shock now) but it worked to our advantage and as they were distracted I grabbed my friends hand and we ran for our lives towards the bar and to the safety of our friends. Once wewere running they did not pursue us.
I think what we failed to realise at the time was that we had been sexually assauted and just how serious what had happened to us was!
As young girls taking our first steps in the world I think we just thought that because we had not been (god forbid) raped, that the police did not need to know. We genuinely just thought we had been lucky we did not get raped….
LUCKY that we only got sexually assaulted. Lucky it was not worse….
The truth is, afterwards when my mind processed the events of what had happened I felt a few different things but the biggest and strongest feeling was doubt and I found myself questoning everything….
Was that really a sexual assault?
Does it count?
Was it bad enough?
Were those men just a bit over zealous and drunk?
In my opinion, there lies the problem.
Every time a woman is attacked in that way, plays it down like we did and doubts herself as to “whether it counts” and every time we do not report it, every time we think ourselves “lucky” and think “it could have been worse” we become part of the problem by allowing it to continue!
Those two men probably grabbed more young holiday makers that night…. myself and my friend owed it to other women to report those men for everyones safety!
We owed it to ourselves to recognise that we had been vicitms of a crime. I am really ashamed that we failed to respond to that situation and I know my friend (who is now a police officer) is too – that is why I am writing his blog post – in the hope that another woman will read it and if she ever finds herself in that situation she will speak up where we failed to.
As women we should be free to go about our business without fear of being groped, touched and raped.
We should not self doubt that “it might have not been a sexual assault” when someones unwanted advances require us to physicaly punch them to get them off us!
We should not play down these assaults and attacks as over zealous and drunk behaviour and we should not feel ashamed when we are a victim.
We need change and if by saying #metoo and sharing my story helps oher women to speak up I will be really pleased because the more of us that do speak up and the more society realises how widespread this problem is, the harder it will be for people to keep turning a blind eye and sooner or later something will have to be done to address it and for me, I think that has to be done through education.